naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize