I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I won the penis lottery.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think your dad took our porno
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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