It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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