I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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