We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When are your genitals available?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
