You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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