Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
