I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize