Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
