id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
