I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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