in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
