Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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