ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So vagazzling was a success
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
