I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
