I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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