I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I look better un-naked...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
