I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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