I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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