Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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