I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
