This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
