I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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