Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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