i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
