people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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