The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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