Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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