He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
