fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
