You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
