Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
