Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
