Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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