Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
