i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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