I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
