Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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