Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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