My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize