so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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