'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
