Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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