i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
3pm strippers are depressing
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
