she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Come on in and take your pants off
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize