if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
