When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
