Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
