when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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