4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
