I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
