Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
