he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I came so hard my ears popped.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
