Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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