I met the friendliest cop last night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
