Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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