Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
