How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
