he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Two words: nipple clamps
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