someone threw a dead crab at me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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