i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need a beard to bite.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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