I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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