dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You are a genius and a whore.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
