if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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