Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
