I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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