no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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