I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
