When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
