all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
