Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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