I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
