my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
