i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Congratulations! We have a period
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
