Welp...herpes.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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