The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My hand turned me down
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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