Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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