I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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