No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
