just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
