You made me cry and you don't even care
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
