I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
