And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
