I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
