ADVERTISEMENT

• (952): View more from Minnesota

  I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nice use of current day folklore

  Fav 36 1090 3060

  share tweet
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one

  Fav 16 1250 4565

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.

  Fav 3 2472 1114

  share tweet
  

• (409): View more from Texas

  Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.

  Fav 4 1659 729

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)

  Fav 2 1632 727

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her

  Fav 7 1729 713

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (308): View more from Nebraska

  In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.

  Fav 22 1865 1019

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"

  Fav 4 1559 623

  share tweet
  

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations

  Fav 2 546 766

  share tweet
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?

  Fav 3 1034 766

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..

  Fav 1 581 631

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (785): View more from Kansas

  Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..

  Fav 1 479 644

  share tweet
  

• (937): View more from Ohio

  honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman

  Fav 0 705 509

  share tweet
  

• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?

  Fav 0 50 22

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...

  Fav 0 44 21

  share tweet
  

Randomize