i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
