The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
