Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
