so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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