Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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