Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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