all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
