operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
