He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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