I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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